Thank you friend. Your wisdom is coming in more handy than I thought. A dear friend and colleague in the Krav community asked me why I said “died” instead of “passed away.” She and I had good conversation that mirrored those you and I have had.
So common, the desire to use alternate “softer” terminology when we’re uncomfortable or experiencing strong emotions. As you know, death is hard and messy and final, but it is also all of our truths.
This is very interesting on multiple levels...thx for getting into it! That's not where I thought you were going and I'm glad you did. We often gloss over the negative "parts" when someone passes...the very parts that cause us shun, or to treat with disdain, those around us still alive that exhibit the same things or treat us the same way. In fact, in death we will often ignore worse as if it somehow makes us look, or feel, like a bigger person.
This also made me ponder how I react to the passing of others. I didn't know Darren well, but because I have trained under, and been influenced by, others that had a direct training and mentor relationship with him, such as you. I have felt something in his death. I'm certain that although I'm not grieving the way that people closer to him are...I do feel sadness for folks like you that are grieving this loss.
What made me check myself was the why. I reached out to several people I know that I thought may be struggling to talk or pray and express my condolences. I stopped at one point and thought "am I reaching out in order to help, or because it may make me look like I care about how my friend(s) is really doing? Upon reflecting I know that it really is because I care and all I can really offer is a kind word or some encouragement.
It made me glad that this moment brought me to a time of reflection and that I am conscious of, and being honest about, who I have been in the past...and that I'm not the same OLD Tom.
I heard once a long time ago that many times, when we do something kind, we often do it with mixed motives. And that’s not a reason not to still do the kindness.
As soon as I heard about Darren’s death, i reached out to many people, partially as a way of staving off my own grief. If I could stay busy and active, I wouldn’t have to feel quite so much.
But the shock and the need to reach out subsided, and I was left with my feelings. It breaks my heart I can’t get to LA this weekend, but something tells me I’m better off facing this in the quiet instead of a cross country trip and a lot of big events.
Thank you so much for this wonderful dissertation. Darren Levine truly managed to bring together people of great value to society. Hearing passages from his life over the years, being close to Darren, only makes me believe that the journey here on earth is truly worthwhile! I am grateful for the opportunity to interact with him, even from a distance, through his genuine messages.
Gilson, when I was with Darren in October, his eyes lit up when I mentioned your attempts to travel to meet us. He knew you share our passion. We will be together on the mat soon, carrying forward his legacy.
Thank you Jeff…that was the most honest thing I’ve read about grief and grieving in a long time. Darren played a huge part in my life at a young age age and directly contributed to how I show up today. You mentioning him roaring through a room brought back electric memories of him teaching…charisma doesn’t even begin to cover it 🙏 thank you for this
A very thoughtful and fitting and well penned memorial Jeff.
Thanks Eric - feel free to share with others who are grieving these days.
The naked honesty of this…still has me thinking of it hours after I first read it. Well done.
Thank you, so glad it landed.
Thank you for sharing your whole heart.
Thank you friend. Your wisdom is coming in more handy than I thought. A dear friend and colleague in the Krav community asked me why I said “died” instead of “passed away.” She and I had good conversation that mirrored those you and I have had.
So common, the desire to use alternate “softer” terminology when we’re uncomfortable or experiencing strong emotions. As you know, death is hard and messy and final, but it is also all of our truths.
This is very interesting on multiple levels...thx for getting into it! That's not where I thought you were going and I'm glad you did. We often gloss over the negative "parts" when someone passes...the very parts that cause us shun, or to treat with disdain, those around us still alive that exhibit the same things or treat us the same way. In fact, in death we will often ignore worse as if it somehow makes us look, or feel, like a bigger person.
This also made me ponder how I react to the passing of others. I didn't know Darren well, but because I have trained under, and been influenced by, others that had a direct training and mentor relationship with him, such as you. I have felt something in his death. I'm certain that although I'm not grieving the way that people closer to him are...I do feel sadness for folks like you that are grieving this loss.
What made me check myself was the why. I reached out to several people I know that I thought may be struggling to talk or pray and express my condolences. I stopped at one point and thought "am I reaching out in order to help, or because it may make me look like I care about how my friend(s) is really doing? Upon reflecting I know that it really is because I care and all I can really offer is a kind word or some encouragement.
It made me glad that this moment brought me to a time of reflection and that I am conscious of, and being honest about, who I have been in the past...and that I'm not the same OLD Tom.
I heard once a long time ago that many times, when we do something kind, we often do it with mixed motives. And that’s not a reason not to still do the kindness.
As soon as I heard about Darren’s death, i reached out to many people, partially as a way of staving off my own grief. If I could stay busy and active, I wouldn’t have to feel quite so much.
But the shock and the need to reach out subsided, and I was left with my feelings. It breaks my heart I can’t get to LA this weekend, but something tells me I’m better off facing this in the quiet instead of a cross country trip and a lot of big events.
Thank you so much for this wonderful dissertation. Darren Levine truly managed to bring together people of great value to society. Hearing passages from his life over the years, being close to Darren, only makes me believe that the journey here on earth is truly worthwhile! I am grateful for the opportunity to interact with him, even from a distance, through his genuine messages.
Gilson, when I was with Darren in October, his eyes lit up when I mentioned your attempts to travel to meet us. He knew you share our passion. We will be together on the mat soon, carrying forward his legacy.
Thank you Jeff…that was the most honest thing I’ve read about grief and grieving in a long time. Darren played a huge part in my life at a young age age and directly contributed to how I show up today. You mentioning him roaring through a room brought back electric memories of him teaching…charisma doesn’t even begin to cover it 🙏 thank you for this
Greta, so glad it landed. And, same. So much of what I do on and off the mat came from his investment in me.
Honesty may be less comfortable in the short term, but it puts fewer weights on our shoulders long term. Thank you for your words and your presence!